How to Change Your Partner?

So, you've been with your significant other for a while now and you've realized they're not perfect (shocking, I know). Maybe they leave the toilet seat up, or they never put their dishes in the dishwasher. There are some things about them that they really need to change to make everyone's lives easier. So how do you get them to do that? Here are a few tips to get you started:

1. Identify the problem. Before you can change your partner, you need to know exactly what it is that you want them to change. Is it the way they leave their dirty socks on the floor? Or perhaps it's the way they always leave the lights on when they leave a room? Make a list of all the things that drive you crazy and prioritize them.

2. Start with the little things. We're not talking about trying to change your partner's entire personality (that's a recipe for disaster). We're talking about the little habits that drive you crazy. The way they leave their dirty mug laying around, or the way they always put the milk back in the fridge with just a drop left. Pick one or two of these things and address them in a calm, non-confrontational way.

3. Communicate, communicate, communicate. You can't expect someone to change something if you don't talk to them. And I don't just mean complaining, I mean really talking. Express your feelings, listen to their feelings, and come up with a solution together. It's not always easy, but it's worth it.

4. Be specific and kind. Instead of complaining about your partner's general messiness, pinpoint the specific behavior that bothers you, and state a positive need what you would like to be done about it. Instead of saying, "You're always leaving your clothes on the floor," try saying, "I would really appreciate it if you could hang your clothes up after you take them off." You never want to make the issue about your partner's character, but their behavior.

5. Use Positive Reinforcement. Instead of nagging your partner about what they're doing wrong, try praising them for what they're doing right. If your partner does manage to change the habit you're trying to change, make sure to acknowledge it and reward them for their efforts. When you notice them hanging up their clothes, for example, let them know how much you appreciate it. A simple "thank you" or a small gesture like cooking their favorite meal can go a long way in encouraging them to continue the new behavior.

6. Be patient. Changing a habit or a behavior takes time. Don't expect your partner to change overnight. Give them time, and don't get discouraged if you don't see immediate results. And remember, if they slip up and go back to their old ways, don't get angry. Be patient and remember that they're still the same person you fell in love with, and focus on the things that you love about them.

7. Be willing to change yourself too. This is the most important step. You can't change your partner if you're not willing to change yourself. Take a look at your own behavior, and see if there's anything you can do differently. Remember, it takes two to tango. Often the things that bother you the most might need a slight adjustment from the way you look at them, and changing your own reaction to certain behaviors can create the long lasting change needed.

8. Remember that some things are out of your control. And that's okay. Your partner is their own person, with their own thoughts and feelings. You can't control them, and you shouldn't try. Just focus on what you can control: your own behavior, and your own reactions.

9. Laugh About It! At the end of the day, remember that relationships are supposed to be fun. So, don't take yourself too seriously and try to find the humor in the situation. Always keep the focus on love, kindness, and appreciation on the things that are going right, accepting your partner for who they are and keep in mind why you fell in love with them. Remember, long lasting love is built in tiny moments of everyday life, make sure you fill these moments with appreciation and care.

Are you ready to invest in your relationship? Schedule a session with us now and start seeing positive changes in your relationship.